Still being here ❤‍🩹

I don’t think my life turned out the way I thought it would.

I had a pretty clear idea of where I’d be by now. I thought I’d have figured things out. I thought I’d be studying what I wanted, earning properly, feeling better, and generally just... doing okay.

Instead, a lot of my life has been spent trying to get through one thing and then immediately dealing with the next.

Sometimes I look at other people and wonder how they seem to move through life so normally. They study. They work. They make plans. They go out. They fall in love. They complain about ordinary things.

And I’m sitting the there thinking about how much energy it takes just to get through an ordinary day.

I’ve lost people I loved. I’ve lost time I can’t get back. I’ve had plans change because of things I never really had control over. There are days when I genuinely feel like I’m behind everyone else, and i hate that feeling.

I wish I had some profound lesson from all of it.

But I don’t.

Some things were just awful. Some things were unfair. Some things still hurt. I don’t think everything that happens to us needs to have a beautiful meaning attached to it.

Even after all the things that have made me tired of trying, I still have things I want. I still make plans. I still get excited about stupid little things. I still imagine what my life could look like if things finally went right for a while.

Maybe I’m not where I thought I’d be.

Maybe I’m much further behind than I wanted to be.

Maybe I’ve wasted time.

But I'm not done.

I just know that tomorrow will probably come anyway, I’ll probably get up and deal with it like I always do.

Maybe that’s all I’ve really been doing this whole time.

Just somehow still being here.